To The Lighthouse

To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

My General Review:

Oh where to begin. I first I hated it, then I loved it, then I hated it and finally I liked it. It is a different style of writing, to be sure, being jerked about different character's thoughts as they change and move throughout the day and evening. It definably was an honest book and I think that might be the whole point. Are we completely honest in our words and actions, no. Our thoughts, though I know mine are not completely honest even, are closer to the truth. It must have been considered brave of Woolf to be honest about certain topics like, Lily and it is ok not be married, gasp! and shocking! I am sure! Like, Mrs. Ramsey, being sad about life, not completely in love with her husband. And the real truth behind Mr. Ramsey, he greatly liked self-esteem and constantly needed others. I think my favorite part was the truth behind James and Cam in the boat trip and their hatred for their father. But yet they couldn't even hold on to that pact/vow. As much as they hated their father, they still thrived and desired his praise and attention. I totally related to all of that.

Book Club Questions (for this book we didn't really have questions but were just asked general thoughts):

Thought about Lilly in general
I didn't like Lilly. I thought that she was mean and rude. I can't completely understand, but I can try to be understanding, about the fact that she never married and perhaps that's what made her bitter, at times, towards life.

But what I really didn't like about Lilly was how much "smack talk" she did about Mrs. Ramsay in her mind. Lilly didn't have to accept Mrs. R's invitation to stay with her for the summer on an island. Mrs. R liked Lilly and Lilly was supposed to be her friend. Why does Lilly hang out with her if she mostly just doesn't like her? And she definably didn't like Mr. R or Mr. Tansley. Why is she there?

I think she had mixed feelings and couldn't sort them out herself. In the beginning she said she would have fallen on Mrs. R's lap and said "I love all of this," meaning the children, the mother's and wife's life. Then, I think, she spends the rest of the book trying to accept her life by being critical of Mrs. R.

I don't want too sound harsh or unfeeling toward unmarried women, but does she have to be so rude to others about it?

Can we ever be happy just doing our "duty" and never "crossing the street to walk in the sunshine?”
It depends on who you ask I suppose, but since you asked me, I'd have to say yes!

I'd say that finding happiness in doing "duty" is part of life, part of the test. Would Heavenly Father ever ask us to do something that would be against our happiness? At times we may cynically want to scream YES! But He really wouldn't. Furthermore, “happily ever after” doesn't necessary come in this life (which is act II). I don't want to be too preach-y, but it is true.

People without the right perspective think too much about themselves. A lot of the feminist movement has to do with woman forsaking their "duties" in search of something else to make them happy. C.S. Lewis said: "All that we call human history--money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery--[is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."

Why can't God make us happy? Why can't we accept that? Because it's hard. What about Gordon B. Hinckley's father’s quote, "Forget yourself and get to work." Whatever work (or duty) God has given you.

Is doing the "right" thing the same as being honest to our true desires?
If doing the “right” thing is your true desire. We are not meant to instantly be who we want ourselves to be, or to be who God wants us to be, which at some point, hopefully, is the same thing. But we are on earth to work on ourselves.

It is honest to want to do right, even if at the same time we don’t want to do the right at that moment. It takes time and practice to control our desires and appetites, but how are we to ever learn control if only to the right thing when we feel like it.

To heck with “honesty!” My house would be trash, I’d be a few hundred more pounds and my kids would be the town terrors, if I only meant to be honest with my “true desires.”

Mrs. Ramsay… was she happy?
I don't think that Mrs. R was very happy.

I related most to Mrs. R, because I am a mother. I loved all the imagery of Mrs. R reading to James on the steps. It sounded just lovely. Even though it would not be nice the next day, I imagined the weather was that perfect summer evening weather with a slight breeze, perhaps. To me that would be a perfect moment in life.

I also relate with the quote about the sailor:

“…life being now strong enough to bear her on again, she began all this
business, as a sailor not without weariness sees the wind fill his sail and yet
hardly wants to be off again and thinks how, had the ship sunk, he would have
whirled round and round and found rest on the floor of the sea.” (86)

Sometimes life is hard. I hope that she was just having a particular hard time and her thoughts were not always so.

As a mother, I feel, it can be hard to try to find the happiness in the day to day, but if we work on finding that we are one step closer to becoming our perfect selves.

I was really disappointed in the last scene with Mrs. and Mr. R. What was the deal with her getting satisfaction from "winning" by not saying "I love you." I lost some respect for her there. But at the same time, I am sure it is hard to have a husband who is constantly asking for you to fulfill his self-esteem.

Thoughts on Mr. and Mrs. Ramsay’s relationship
I think Mr. R was too wrapped up in himself and in his work (which he just wanted to be famous) to really care about others. He was very egotistical, in my opinion. I don't think that he had in him to care for anyone else, not as who they are as a real person. He obviously had a low opinion of his wife's intellectual abilities and never listen to her to know what she really thought (I am referencing the scene when she was reading the poetry book and he thought she didn't understand what she was reading, rudeness!)To be sure, he thought she was a "looker."

I don't think that Mrs. R really loved Mr. R, but I think that was Mr. R's fault, mostly. (Am I being too feministic, is that a word??) I think Mrs. R wanted to love Mr. R but, as mentioned before, he didn't respect her or take time to know her. I think based on the walk they took before dinner, shows that she wanted to love him.